Ok . . . I haven't given birth yet to child number three but some things have been on my mind and I would like to share them. If you read them or not that is completely up to you . . . it might be boring but it's a nice to have an outlet.
The other night Travis asked me why I was so anxious to go through all the pain of child birth again. My first response was to look at him and then look down at my enormous belly and I thought "Why would you even ask me that?" But then I got to thinking about it at 2:00 in the morning when the urge to roll over takes ten minutes and you're wide awake debating wether or not you really have to go to the bathroom.
Pregnancy is a scary thing from the day you decide to get pregnant to the day you deliver. First there is the trial of getting pregnant, marking down days and months. Then there is the fear of loosing the baby, and then there is the pain and discomfort that continue with you throughout nine months. I have not meant to complain about pregnancy, it is a joyful thing as well as a scary thing. We've had a few friends who have lost or who have struggled getting pregnant, to these friends I want to say that I am truly sorry if any of my comments have been offensive or made you think that I was ungrateful for this opportunity. Quite the contrary I am very grateful, very scared, but very grateful for this new little guy that will be coming into our home soon. I hope you also realize that this has been the most painful pregnancy I have ever had and if I can't share it with the people that I love then who do I share it with? So with that said again I am sorry if I've offended any one and I hope that we can still be friends!!
So as I was thinking these thoughts late last night I was then reminded of something else. All those things that you tend to forget as soon as the baby is placed in your arms. THis is my third child, crazy I know, but I imagine that I will still get an apprehensize feeling when they place in my arms my birthing gown and tell me to change. It was while I was remembering all of those things that I came to the conclusion, that I do every time, that I need to kneel and tell my Heavenly Father "I am sorry for my impatience and I will gladly take him any time that you decide is right for him to get here." I must also admit that with each of those experiences I add the sidenote really quickly "I would really like it to be soon . . .but thy will be done."
So there you have it. I have come to realize that yes, baby is not here yet, but he'll come when he is supposed to get here. My due date isn't until Sunday but my original due date was last week, and I must admit that is what I've been holding onto this whole time. I'm dialted to a five and tomorrow go in for a stress test for baby, another ultrasound, and if I'm dialted to a six he'll send me right over. So I'm crossing my fingers, practicing faith, and praying that I will be patient.
Also it is my goal with this pregnancy to have a good after birth picture. These are the two that I have to live up to, so I don't think an improvement will be that hard!
With Eldon . . . I have nothing more to say.
With Kyler . . . and all I have to say is four hours of pushing . . .
12 comments:
Your after birth pictures are BEAUTIFUL!! Good luck sweetie. I will pray that is is soon for you too!! ;)
I hope you get to meet your new little bundle soon and that recovery is quick so you can enjoy tossing and turning in the the bed as much as you want! Good luck!
4 hours? You are superwoman! And you're at 5 cm? Can't wait to see pics of the little guy, and I know you'll look great!! :)
Best of luck Girl! And I love your comments on everything.. I have and still do feel the same way. It is amazing how much love you have for your child when they place them in your arms. I am a bit sad I wont feel that whole thing again! I am struggling with that right now.. oh and by the way.. it's harder with each one!! just to warn you! but soo worth it everytime!
Can't wait to see pictures of your new little guy.. and he will come in due time!:)
you look good after labor girl. I looked like a marshmallow puff ball. good luck. I hope he comes soon for you!
hey .. it's Robyn from H.S. I saw your blog off Haileys. (stockerish I know.. sorry) I can't believe you are having your 3rd boy that is awesome. We have 3 girls for a change.. they are great buddies though! I was dialated quite a bit for a while before I went into labor.. It is so frustrating cause you feel like it should happen soon, but the good thing is you are already halfway there right? ( you have a way better attitude then me!) With my third (worst pregnancy by far) the baby came before the doc. got there.. anyways, sorry to ramble. I am so excited for you. I hope it all goes so well for you. your boys are adorable. if you want to see our blog email me robynyjacob@yahoo.com and I can send an invite.
talk to you later
Robyn
I think you look fab in both of those pics. I am so excited to see what the next little Hogman looks like. Good luck with everything!!
You are 2 cute, and really I think you look great in your "after" pics! I can't wait to see some pics of baby boy #3! Do you guys have names picked out yet? You are already a 5, that is amazing! Hope your appointment goes well and that he comes soon! Good luck, keep us all posted!
Thank you so much for sharing your feelings honestly. As someone who is far from the blessings of motherhood, but longing for the opportunity, it was really nice to hear both sides of the story. You are amazing, Jenni. I admire you so much. And you almost have 3 kids already!!! All the best this time around - you will be beautiful, as always.
Loves!
Congrats on the baby!!!!! Can't wait to see him.
Jenni! I love you. Of course you look great in all your pictures, you're too hard on yourself! We're excited for baby to get here so we can see pictures! Good luck!!
your blog is perfect, you have a gift you know. I love how considerate you are of everyone. Best of luck.
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